How I Moved On. Finally.

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
Sollu 'alan nabi

"You are about to overcome something you've been dealing with. Your mind and heart will soon be at peace again. Be patient. Everything will be okay"

Above is a quote I read while scrolling my instagram account. It reminded me to my fabulous 2017. Yeah let's just say it as such *eyes rolling up*. Guys I'm taking you to my past. And it's not something nice. Haha.

So most of my friends have known my struggle in 2017. It was indeed the toughest year of my life (if I can say. Housemanship nanti taktau la macam mana :,D). I still remember the 2 occasions that took away 2 of my dreams. Isn't this sad guysss? Now cry for me. But I do not wish to tell what was happening. Maybe later time or not at all. It was a total dismay because it was happening consecutively. Kira sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga la.

It took some times for me to regain my strength and focus. Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'alamin Allah sent me many angelic people to console me. My parents, family and my friends. Thank you *insert beating heart*. So I moved on. Or so I thought. Not realizing that I still had anger inside me and still disappointed with what was happening, I just continued my life normally. Life must go on I thought.

Unfortunately that was not the case. Deep in my heart, I was unable to fathom the situation. There was guilty and overwhelming feeling. I was actually torn up and little did I know I was bleak. But Alhamdulillah no deppression (I diagnosed myself. Hiks). As a consequence, I never had a good sleep. For months! Half of the year, I got the same nightmares that woke me up with sweat and fear. I thought the same thing happening over and over again. Ya rabb, now I came to understand how person with nightmare feels. It's totally not good. You feel sick, you feel haunted and afraid.

So one day, I took time back, thinking and pondering. I have been saying that I already moved on, I accepted the fate befallen. I talked to Allah and then I believed maybe I was not sincere enough when saying all the counseling to myself. That day, I really decided to let go absolutely. I talked to Him clearly and as loud as only my ears can listen. Because I said in Malay so I write Malay also here. This is what I said:

'Ya Allah, aku ikhlas terima semua ujian Engkau, aku ikhlas memaafkan dan aku memohon ampun'

Then I closed my eyes, took deep breath in and let out. And Subhanallah, right after that, there was no more nightmare. I sleep peacefully and my EEg now stable and pretty. Ok I never do this test, just assuming. Haha.

Soon after, I realized that there were so many hikmah behind all that took place. Truly, bad things is not always bad. Sometime it's blessing in disguise. I just need to ikhlaskan hati to appreciate what Allah has written for me.

It's okay to be sad, to be disappointed, to resent and whatsoever. For days, months or years. But do not let it takes whole your life, my dear. It's not worth it. It's bad only at moment it occured and when it passed, it's no big deal anymore. It was bearable and you are here living. What Allah said is definitely true, He will not test us with anything beyond our power to control. You can do it. You will go through it successfully. There is lesson to grab and bigger present waiting. Be strong!

Lastly, this is what we call dunya. It can never be the same as jannah. We will be tested here, feel sad. Sometime. Fail the other time. Experience it, go through it with a heart of a warrior, never lose hope with His Rahmah and get jannah inshaallah :)

I hope Ramadan will be the right month for you to clear your mind from anything that burden you and give you peace of heart. Talk to someone ;)

I pray that all of you be given happiness in this dunya and akhirah.

There is door for all of us.

Love,
Imah Rosse

From Doctor to Masterchef

Assalamualaikum and hye everyone.
Sollu a'lan nabi.

We nearly reach half month of Ramadan. I wish everyone good health and calm heart to beribadah despite your busy schedule. How about your Ramadan goal(s)? Hopefully all is well. Let's continue the spirit to do as much good as possible and our momentum to have more taqwa and khusyu. Btw, to those who haven't had any goal, it's still not too late guys! May you find one that will benefit you as a servant. Enjoy this Ramadan to the fullest time really really flies eh eh esok raya. Gitu. So make sure to properly make time for yourself to worship more. Please note that I didn't only mean solat when I mentioned worship ok. It can be in any form as how you like it.

*****

Today mak asked me to cook tuna. Usually she will tell me what to cook but this time she asked 'nak buat apa erk tuna?' and then she went to sleep as she was all drained doing groceries. I was alone.thinking.hard. I have nooo idea what to do as I've never cooked tuna before. Why la so many thing I cannot do. Sebelum ni masak merah (nasib sekarang dah power *clap*), ni tuna la pulakkk. But let's not worry, google is sometime a blessing guys. Haha. After 15 minutes of scrolling and investigating (any recipe that takes time was rejected. Refer previouss post) I finally found a recipe. Maybe not new for you but come on, please welcome this newbie ok people?

It was Tuna masak lada putih!

Never heard of it and tok asked me twice to confirm it. Yes tok, your cucu like new thing like that.

Thanks god, it was a very very simple recipe and as a rebel will always rebel, I modified it and made it even simpler. Haha. So all you need are...

-Garlic
-Onion
-Ginger
-White pepper
-Cabai burung (mende tah english dia btw original one dont include this but I letak because my family like pedas-pedas sikit)
-Tamarind (the original recipe put asam keping but I think tamarind give better taste)
-Salt

This is how you do it:

Crush all first four ingredients. Fry them (jangan sampai hangit takkan ni pun taktau kan), put water (however much you need) and lastly tamarind (not too much otherwise it is no different than masak cuka), cabai and salt.

Voila Masak Lada Putih done!!!

Kann I said, very simple one. I don't like serabut. But then I woried :'D. My first masak lada putih. How would it taste like? Since I was to worried with the result, I just let it sit on the pan until my mom came and she served it on the table. I wanted to hide it (konon-konon). As it happened that way, I forced my sisters to try it. But she refused. Grrr. And during breakfast time, I forced everyone to give it a try and guess the recipe maybe I need to do better next time. Then there mak said to tok 'Mak rasa ni mak. Sedap ni,' Walaweh I smiled ear to ear hahaha. No lah, I hid my smile but my heart grew bigger already. Hiks. Thanks everyone for liking my masak lada putih eventhough I don't like it quite bit because it taste soooo common. Sobs. Anyway, I taknak bongkak bulan Ramadan ni but I think I can be a masterchef. Haha. Next time I want to put lemongrass. I think the taste and smell better with it. Next time tu maybe next year k. Thanks for understanding.

And thanks for reading. You can try for berbuka tomorrow ;)

P/s: Do share your favourite recipe!

Royal Belum and Good Old Days (me)

Assalamualaikum and hye.
Sollu alan nabi :)

First of all I must thank Hani for pushing me to write this. Are you reading Hani? Thanks, if not for you this blog will be left alone for a very long time. Or even forever. Actually I have been writing many things but I kept saving them in my draft and not checking them onward. So here I am with my boring talks but I hope you enjoy part of it and learn something which is why I write this so someone can benefit from it if not memang sia-sialah my night ;(

This is about me, my MRA family and orang asli again. But this time I really enjoyed my days in forest because there is huge Tasik Banding. It's tasik guysss..Waterrr. #LittleThingILove

This time around, it was a collaboration program between UiTM and MRA Perak. And MRA Penang lah since K.Faz and his brother was tagging along. hehe. Btw K.Faz has taken K.Ida's role in finding me my spouse. Seriously I felt very old since everyone was so concern about it. Why they cared so much about my spouse wherebouts only after second meeting :'D This is good kan since I don't have to pening kepala searching for Mr. Right who is still on the left. Haha. Anyway I only care less on this matter since I'm still jobless unstable woman (hmm sounds like a husband rather than a wife to be). Come on, let's get back to our main story.

11th-13th May was my second time in Royal Belum. Before you ask, it is located in Gerik about 45 minutes away from the town. My place lah tu. I had gone there during my matriculation studies under PPL (Program Pendidikan Luar) but I don't remember which village exactly I went to because I only pay my attention to abseiling and water confidence activity. Now I'm old, I take note on many things plus this time I went for volunteering so cannot be so ignorant and berfoya-foya je lebih. There is in reality so many villages in Royal Belum although some groups of orang asli still living like a nomad. We went to Kampung Sungai Kejar on second day. Our first day completely spent on the houseboat. This houseboat much better then the one from 10 years ago. It was brand new and innovative while I became old and wrinkly ;D. So all the activities were done on second day. Here is the list of activities that we did:

- Population survey
- Health screening (but got rejected all the time so let's just cancel this haha)
- Batik painting
-Teaching orang asli children
- Sukaneka
-Takraw match
-Chak rayak (?)

Population survey was done by MRA group. It was simple but not easy job. I believe I need more times and experiences to do it better. They said I looked so stressful doing the job. It must be because of my familial constipated eyebrow. People always get confused from it *sigh*. But since I got at least the chance to do it for the first time, I'm so happy, grateful for every single person who guided me and here I am ready for next task. Yeahh level up confidence!

The rest of the activities done by UiTM students after dividing among them into smaller group. I managed to try 'mencanting batik' also for the first time. Yeayy. I wish that I can tell you the procedure and steps because the professional person told me in detail but I forgot all the scientific they used in making the batik. Wait wait, I remember there was dama and candle. Boil these two together until they become liquid and make any pattern at your liking using this sticky liquid and wait until dry. Then, remove the dried liquid using here-is-the-scientific-I-mentioned and you can color the pattern that formed on the cloth. Anything missing teacher? Please correct me. Thanks.

After all the energy drained, we had lunch with the local or they call it chak rayak in their language. Ustaz Buhari and Pak Mud was the master chef in charge. Saying about Pak Mud, his smell reminded me of my late paternal grandfather Ya Allah the very exact same smell. I miss tok :(

In the evening, it's timeee. We went into the waterrr. After letting ourselves drifted by the slow river stream while making a not-so-circle, some of us went to rafting. Also my first time, hence the excitement and did not realize I left Hani alone far behind me in the water. She did not inform me she had hydrophobic ;P It was not intended okay as I swam fast to catch the second rakit for us actually. In the end, we had to swim a longer distance since I had to take Hani and the guys did not wait for us. Screw them. Okay la okay la thanks to one of them extended out the bamboo for me and thanks to them for allowing me on their raft which became very unbalanced after that. Haa sorry.

When the night came, after all the daily business, me and Hani went for star gazing after arguing on whether the stars will appear or not. It was so cloudy during the day, so I expected not much star will show on the sky but turned out they lightened up the darkness of the jungle in the middle of the large lake. eh sorry ya, this star gazing happened on the first night, not second. However both night pun I slept snoring because my body exhausted like doing all the jobs alone. Shame on you fatty body.

Third day was our return to home but 7 of us went to Kampung Sungai Tiang to look for suitable place for solar power plant. A future project for orang asli village. It is costly so why not invest for your akhirah? You will be blessed and thanks in advance.

On the other note, UiTM students really reminded this old lady to her good days in university. I was eager to learn many things and I involved myself in everything possible except politic. Haks. University life was a transition period for me from Fathimah who only thinks about people but works for herself to Fathimah who thinks about others and does something for them. May Allah accept. And because I put myself among these kind of people, I realized I still deficient in many aspects.

That is all. Thank you for reading this and I'm serious about your investment in MRA. Inshaallah it will become a sadaqah jariah that last until the day of Resurrection.

Oh yeah, Happy Ramadan everyone. It's coming in two days. Are you excited??

Till next post!

P/s: for picture, go check my instagram @imahrosse because I'm to lazy to do same job twice (Alasan. I'm going to sleep)
P/ss: Your investment ;P