Assalamualaikum and hai everyone.
Sollu 'alan nabi
When I was young (I’m not really old in age btw), I told myself that I wanna die at 60.
‘I wanna die at 60,’ that was how I told myself (only). This is the first time I’m telling people. Writing about it. So, I planned (in my head) my life with the idea of death coming at 60.
Why 60? Because I thought it's and ideal age and people retired pun near that age kan so I want to achieve everything before that and reaching 70 would be tiring. Hiks. I don’t want to live so long being tired and all. Lol.
(However now I’m tired already kahkah)
I don’t have that kind of ambition anymore. Because
First; it is absolutely ridiculous. We don’t know how long we live, you know?
Second; I’m not sure with my timeline. I can plan. Some may work, others not. Or take time. Well..I just want to make it sounds hopeful here.
Third; I want to live better, not live longer. I mean I hope I don’t die now but live longer is not promising either. Of course I want to live as long as He allowed me but what I wish more is to live better. Like..you know..what is the point of having 100 years of living but you live aimlessly. I wanna be better day by day, doing good, doing charity, help people, be a good servant, do something that can help me in the hereafter. Be good at my work (as in having ikhlas and sabr every time).
Fourth; setting time for death is not what a pious do. Of course, I’m not that much a religious person, but at some point in my life, I felt sinful to even have that kind of wish.
In Islam, we have this concept of tawakkul. So with that faith, I should fully submit myself, my acts, my soul to Him. And in this matter, should leave everything in His hand while continuously worship Him not waiting till 60 when I can stop all this kind of prayers and zikr in which I don’t even know which one of my ibadah is accepted. Having that kind of wish only make me closer to getting bored for the lengthy years and deemed to think that I won’t die anytime soon and prone to procrastinate (although without such thought also I always delay things huhu). Such a dangerous thought for a muslim. A handicapped mind for someone who says iman to qada and qadar.
And you know..what if I die at 60 but I’ve done nothing like a 60 year-old. I don’t bring anything good, I make very little deed or nothing at all. What if I have a wish as if the end of it will be prosperous, full, bliss but it is actually only worth of 1 year living and the rest is wasted (or the whole life is actually wasted)? I can’t imagine that. Naudzubillahi min zalik. That must be a terrible day. Horrible end. Regretful wish. Naudzubillahi min zalik.
So, I’m grateful for that point of my life that I change my wish to live a better life day by day. I want to have meaningful life and death as His servant. Afraid to die at a time and wanting to meet Him the other time.
Hopefully Allah s.w.t grant us great years of living. More moment of remembering Him, thinking of Him and thanking Him. May Allah bless our time and help us to make use of it and be of service to ourselves, mankinds, earthlings and akhirah.
That is all for today. Hope benefit any of you.
See you later and see you in heaven. Amin ya rabbal alamin.
*I wrote this few months back when I had patient died (some issues interdepartmentally and I was angry haha) when I said ‘he is still young’. Then suddenly this question popped up of my mind. May it be a hidayah.
Al-Fatihah to the people that had the honour to meet the greatest love, Allahu kareem, earlier than us.
'And for every nation is a (specified) term. So when their time has come, they will not remain behind an hour, or they will precede (it).'
Al-A'raf 7:34
